The Mens Page

We know this is a really strange and scary time for you. However, if your wife or partner has this disease, please know that the successful cure rate has become wonderfully high and is increasing every day.

We always feel the more you know about something, the better. So, here are some really good informational links: The American Cancer Society, Susan G. Komen for the Cure, and Cancer Care. You can also visit Breast Cancer Stories which gives women an internet site where they can share information on how she is progressing with her/your families and friends, and offers you a place to read about other families’ stories and how they managed.

Generally, the treatment process goes like this: surgery, chemotherapy if needed, radiation, possibly continuing drugs. This is very general and will vary depending on the stage of her cancer (0=very little; 5=a lot) and other variables.

Usually, we are treated with radiation for 6 weeks, 5 times a week. It wouldn’t seem that radiation should tire you out, but it does. You get more tired as the weeks progress. It is possible that she will have radiation burns even with the salves that are available to help with that (Jen's Gift is a great organic product for this).

Here are suggestions for some of the things you can do for her:

Make sure she knows you love her with or without her breasts. Society puts such an emphasis on breasts that it is hard to keep them in perspective while this is happening. If she doesn’t have to have mastectomy, surgery techniques now are such that her surgeon will probably go to the cancer through her nipple and the scar will barely show. We hope that is the case for her. Reconstruction techniques have also improved dramatically and she will have several options if she chooses to have her breast reconstructed.

She won’t be able to do the household chores for awhile, so helping her or finding someone to help with the chores will make everyone’s life easier. If you have children, cooking together is a great, fun way to spend time with them and let them know that they have some control and that you are all in this together. If the dinner is awful, laugh and make peanut butter sandwiches. Sometimes, her/your friends will help out with food, babysitting or driving her to her appointments which is really nice.

She may not be feeling very sexy and that will be a disappointment for her as well as for you. The reason is that the hormone estrogen, which makes her slippery for intercourse, has been turned off, in most cases, because it has been found that estrogen feeds cancer cells. Most women need around 20 minutes to get aroused without estrogen in their system, so don’t rush and practice your foreplay! She may suffer from vaginal dryness which does make intercourse uncomfortable and downright painful in some situations. Our moisturizing vaginal dryness oil and yoni crème personal lubricant relieve vaginal dryness for her and you may find our yoni crème personal lubricant very nice as well.

The Dana Farber Cancer Institute publishes an excellent newsletter with support news for men. To subscribe and have it delivered to your email click here.